Sadness and Relationships

“Clarity is not the absence of emotion — it’s the ability to feel and still choose your path.”

Connecting more deeply with others begins by connecting more deeply with ourselves—especially through understanding our sadness and our most vulnerable places.

We’ve all felt unloved, lonely, or angry at times. Most of us have had moments where we wanted to throw or kick something. But in those moments, we face a choice: we can become more resentful or afraid, or we can let those experiences soften us—make us kinder, more open, and more willing to face what scares us. The choices we make during these moments shape the kind of person we become.

When we experience a negative shift in our body, our focus narrows. We become fused with our thoughts, and when that happens, our access to wisdom is blocked. Dialectical Behavior Therapy teaches us to let go of judgments and replace them with statements that are simply descriptive.

This practice asks us to lay down our armor and move toward our vulnerability. In doing so, we find a tenderness in our genuine sadness—a tenderness that connects us to everyone who has ever loved. Vulnerability is hard. It’s painful. But when we move through our sadness rather than run from it, we grow stronger. People cannot be expected to always be kind to us—and placing our emotional well-being in their hands only disempowers us.

So, when someone says something hurtful, we can learn to sit with that pain and find strength in our ability to feel it. From this place, we can let go—or set boundaries—not from reactivity, but from regulation. Most importantly, knowing that we can handle our hurt means we no longer have to live in fear.

Our sensitivity to hurt is both what connects us and what separates us. But the heart of sadness holds the power to teach us great compassion. It humbles us when we are arrogant, softens us when we are unkind, and opens us to a deeper, more meaningful connection—with ourselves and with each other.

Mindfulness Practice: Sitting with Sadness

Find a quiet place to sit or lie down. Let your hands rest gently in your lap or by your side. Close your eyes, or soften your gaze.

Begin by noticing your breath. You don’t need to change it — just observe it moving in and out of your body. Feel the rise and fall of your chest or the sensation of air passing through your nose.

Now say to yourself silently, at the pace of your breath:

Inhale: “I acknowledge this sadness.”Exhale: “I make space for it.”

If another emotion arises — anger, fear, shame — you can name that too:

Inhale: “I acknowledge this (emotion).”Exhale: “I make space for it.”

Repeat this for a few minutes. You may find your mind wandering. That’s okay. When it does, gently bring it back — not with judgment, but with kindness.

As you sit with your experience, bring in a small smile on the exhale. Let your face soften. Even if it feels awkward at first, the act of smiling helps the nervous system register safety.

After a few minutes, place a hand on your heart and tell yourself:

“This is hard, and I’m doing my best.”“I can hold space for myself, just as I am.”

When you’re ready, gently open your eyes and return to the room — carrying the awareness that you can be with your sadness, and you don’t have to run from it.