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  • Writer's pictureAlexa Waldmann, LCSW

Sadness and Relationships

Connecting better to others is by connecting better to ourselves through understanding our sadness and places of vulnerability.

We have all felt unloved, lonely, or mad at times. Most of us have experienced the desire to throw or kick something. But it is at these times, that we have a choice to become increasingly resentful or afraid, or let these experiences make us softer, kinder, and more open to what scares us. The choices we make during these times impact what type of person we chose to be.

When we experience a negative shift in our bodies, our focus narrows and we tend to become fused with our thoughts. Being fused with our thoughts blocks wisdom. Dialectical Behavior Therapy focuses on letting go of judgements and replacing them with statements that are descriptive.

The practice involves a willingness to let go of our armor and move towards our vulnerability, which allows us to find a tenderness of genuine sadness. This is our link with all those that have ever loved. Being vulnerable is hard and painful, but by moving through the sadness and not running away from it we become stronger. People cannot be expected to always be kind to us, as this disempowers us by leaving it to our environment to make us feel ok.

Therefore, when someone says something hurtful, we can learn to sit with that pain and rejoice in our ability to connect with that piece in us. It is here, that we can let things go, or to set boundaries from a regulated place. But most importantly, knowing that we can handle our hurt, means that we do not have to live in fear.

Humans’ sensitivity to hurt is what connects us as well as what separates us form each other. The heart of sadness can teach us great compassion, humble us when we are arrogant, and soften us when we are unkind. Through this practice we will find a deeper, more meaningful connection to ourselves and to others.

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