Showing Up When It Matters Most

As an avid follower of Pema Chödrön and other teachers of mindfulness, I’ve come to think more deeply about what it means to truly show up — for ourselves and for others. Pema teaches that each time we stay present with fear, uncertainty, or any unpleasant emotion, we are letting go of a habitual way of seeking security and comfort.

Scientific studies — including MRI scans and EEG recordings — have shown that each time we choose to remain present and do something fresh, something nonhabitual, we begin to open new neural pathways in the brain. On the flip side, every time we fall into an old pattern, we reinforce that pathway instead, making it harder to choose something new next time.

Getting distance from our thoughts and emotions can be hard to do. The following is a simple mindfulness practice I’ve found to be especially helpful in those moments:

Bring your attention to your breath and gently tell yourself:"On my in-breath, I acknowledge my (insert emotion). On my out-breath, I smile to my (insert emotion)."And then repeat.

It’s important to truly smile on the out-breath — even if just slightly. The facial expression matters. It sends a message to the body and brain that we are here, and we are doing it all the way.

By creating this small bit of space between ourselves and our emotions, we give ourselves the opportunity to learn as we go. We don’t have to decide in advance how everything will unfold. We just take the moment in small bites — this moment, and this one, and this one. And we may find that the moment is workable just as it is.

When we stop running away in search of comfort, we find it inside our willingness to stay.

I believe that showing up in this way is what it truly means to live with presence. It’s easy to be present when life is pleasant. But choosing to stay present when life is neutral or unpleasant — that’s where our character lives. That’s where we show up not only for ourselves, but also for the people who count on us.